I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
