With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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