If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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