My cat gives me a boner
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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