We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
