remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
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Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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