how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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