we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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