I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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