Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
