We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
