if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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