youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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