I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize