I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
