I think im going to throw up on grandma
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
