sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
