you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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