I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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