There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
