so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just blew my weed a kiss
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
