I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
