dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
