By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
