so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
