nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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