Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
