how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
