Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
