I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
