I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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