You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
