oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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