My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
BRING THE BAGELS
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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