piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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