Farmville is her only friend.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
