My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
