finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
