we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
