1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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