I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
