mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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