she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
