Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
