I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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