PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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