I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i think my mom watched the whole time
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
And then he peed in my hair
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