Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I touched a dick in church today
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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