went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
