You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize