I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
me + whiskey = a bad person
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
