Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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