I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
