Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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