You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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