oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
